im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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