I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
