Pregnant stripper...not hot.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
