Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
