My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Someone signed my nipple.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
