Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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