My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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