he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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