got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
