Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
