i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
