hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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