R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
