I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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