I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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