I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
