i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
should my penis look like a turkey
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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