So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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