Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
