So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
