Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You brought string cheese to the strip club
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
