as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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