I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
