did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
