Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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