hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
