She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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