4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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