dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
