the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
