i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
