I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
