dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
