Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
