i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
