you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
