I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
