Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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