I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
