Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
