i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
