I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
