You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
