ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
