I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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