You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
