I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
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