it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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