are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
50% drunk capacity currently
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
