Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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